A Poem
I knew it was the beginning of the end. I got that same familiar sinking feeling in my stomach and you didn't have that same sparkle in your eye.
I felt the love you had for me in every gaze, but soon I felt nothing. Now, love feels like a chore and you feel like an obligation. A sad puppy that needs to be fed to quell an insatiable hunger.
I would have moved the moon and stars for you, but they've aligned on their own to tell use both to move on.
A Poem
Our love is like a good book. And though we share the same spine we have our own separate chapters. That's probably why we work so well. We understand that our parts are the cohesion of the whole. Your pages are yellowed and torn from so much use. Your kind of like the glossary in the way that your overlooked and probably for good reason. The funny thing about the glossary is that you don't stumble across it- you look for it. You're searching for something specific.. but this time you looked for me. You helped me find something and I helped you understand your use. You hold all the answers and sometimes you surprise yourself with what you contain. My pages are brittle. Hard and almost as white as the first day it shipped out of the factory. and though my pages show no signs of life, I'm as essential as the glossary. My pages contain information that without it, the story would cease to exist. while the glossary is important, the glossary is nothing without something for it to find. I hold the moon and the stars and even the cow that jumped over it. I'm child-like wonder and turmoil and love and all the things that cant be said within a paragraph. so there. Without you I couldn't learn and without me you couldn't feel. I want to know everything that you have to offer, like a book, I want to read you cover to cover. I want to stay up all hours of the night with a light under the covers and imagine every story you conjure. With you I want to make life a story and write the first book that never ends. I want the happy ending and the rainbow over the city as we stroll into the sunset. and that scares me. you scare me. your complexity, your amusement, and your presence has been indented on me and italicized every emotion that I'm too scared to feel. but our love is a long book, that I can read over and over again. I can see where you love me and exactly what page. I can read my own flaws and you can read yours. A paper cut is only collateral damage when it comes to this. Reading back your own story is easy but its hard to realize that you don't scare me, I scare myself. and that our love is like any book...it has a beginning, middle and.. end.
okay so, Ive been ignoring my feelings for quite a while. Its time to get honest. Im scared Ive been driving pretty reckless lately and have almost got into 2 crashes. I think that reflects my life and my emotions too well. I have been neglecting myself as usual and rushing things. I should take so time and slow down my life, so ill start back at square 1: the parking lot.😂 i almost cant even look at my crystals because then id have to face my emotions lol. but like i mentioned before school is over, so i have NO excuses not to sort this out.😅😅 I sense a big change coming into my life. I also feel a bit stagnant but i always get like this at this time of year. Seasonal depression is a bitch ill tell you that. The weather just has so much influence on how I feel and every one else can sense it too they just don't have the awareness to be able to explain it like i can. okay so without exposing too much details, why wouldn't a person want you in their life if they knew you would be beneficial to it? self sabotage? fear? probably all of the above, but i dont have to sit here and take it! I'm a great person and loads of people would love to have me or need a person like me in their lives. I just hope they realize that i cant wait forever and unfortunately i literally refuse to. I feel like im in this perpetual state of lostness (is that a word?) that i cant seem to shake. i guess it because im young and wont go away until ive lived a little? i dont know. hopefully. Hey! my hairs done so that one less depression to go through (im black. ifykyk) anyways thats all for now i think. Wish me luck im going into a new semester, new friendships, perhaps even a new relationship? who knows xoxo gossip girl👄 (dead lmao)
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actually stop the mfn music... that was a lot about me and i get its my blog but how are you? you cant really answer but try and find time to take care of yourself. we only get one life and one body we have to fill both with love. Although as you see my progress isn't linear and it might seem a bit hypocritical for me to say that but its the truth and even though i preach it i always TRY to practice it. that's what counts. PPS xoxo kisses and allat 👄 (frl this time)
Reminder to take time for yourself. Its easy to get caught into the current of life. Just like the ocean, life has a deadly undertow that you can quickly be drowned in.
My first semester college is over. All I have to say to is...what the FUCK. no further questions.
